On his first flying lesson, trainee pilot Max Sylvester (above) was forced to land on his own after his instructor fainted
To be honest I cannot see why
So many folk learn to how to fly
If your teacher might faint
Then it certainly ain’t
Something I’m willing to try
John Moynes
Pic:s: 9News Perth
Since Yuri Gagarin’s last-minute toilet break in 1961, each Russian space mission begins with a call of nature
Cosmonauts always agree
That it’s vital to sprinkle some wee
On the wheel of a bus
But now there’s a fuss:
Their new suit has no fly we can see
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Protests in Westminster, London last night calling for the British parliament not to be suspended
Now Boris has said to the Queen
That he can’t stand the Westminster scene
So could he please take
A month or so’s break
And then let the Commons convene
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Whether we see this glass as half full or half empty may say something about our chances of living beyond the age of 85, according to a new academic study
Some scientists have testified
That their latest data implied
That to live a long life
You should stay clear of strife
And always look on the bright side
John Moynes
Pic: iStock
Buckets of faux fried chicken (above) are on sale from today at one KFC branch in the US
A wonderful Kentucky treat
Is a nugget of crispy white meat
But KFC know
That flesh sales are slow
So they’ve new ones for vegans to eat
John Moynes
Pic: KFC
US President Donald Trump reportedly suggested bombing Hurricane Michael before it reached America
Poor Donald still doesn’t know why
You can’t use a nuke in the sky
To blow up some wind
But this orange-skinned
Fool is still willing to try
John Moynes
Pic: Reuters
Online hate is like when milk curdles: ‘an aggregation of objects into communities,’ an expert says
Bad apples, it is often said
Can explain just how hatred is spread
But trolls and their ilk
Are more like curdled milk
So let’s all study bubbles instead
John Moynes
Pic: Alamy
10th Century cosplay at last year’s Vikingfest in Dublin City
We’ve always suspected, of course
That some of our ancestry’s Norse
And now boffins tell
How our own numbers fell
Before the Danes came here in force
John Moynes
So Donald has fired off a tweet
Saying he’s not going to to meet
The Danish unless
They first acquiesce
To give him some land as a treat
John Moynes
Plans for the toilet facilities (above) in Bridgend, Wales included water jets to soak users if violent movement was detected
In Bridgend they need a new loo
But the council insists it’s not true
That a high pressure spray
To keep shaggers away
Is something they’re planning to do
John Moynes
Pic: RSC Architects
