US President Donald Trump returns to The White House on Saturday night following a rally in Tusla, Oklahoma
They promised to the show of the year
Where their boss would be met with a cheer
That’s how it was billed
But most seats were unfilled
And Trump limped away, wiping a tear
John Moynes
Getty
How the proposed replacement for the Hadron Collidor at CERN will look
The boffins who work up at CERN
Think Europe has money to burn
So they’re asking for kit
That costs quite a bit
As they reckon there’s still lots to learn
John Moynes
Pic: CERN
Pubs intending to open can provide a time slot of 105 minutes for customers under new Covid guidelines
A pint with a friend just for fun
Is something that soon can be done
And your friend, I should say
Won’t be sat far away
As two metres have now become one
John Moynes
Pubs must serve meals costing at least €9 to reopen this month, under new Covid guidelines
If you want pints in June you must eat
A large pile of veggies and meat
Because Covid dies
Around burger and fries
But infects those who drink on their feet
John Moynes
Meanwhile…
Interesting. So Covid in Ireland has evolved to point where it transmits to two metres but only in a non-bar setting, and you can’t get it in a pub IF you’re having a substantial meal but only if it’s more than €9. If less, Covid will know this and strike. Fascinating mutation.
— Ewan MacKenna (@EwanMacKenna) June 17, 2020
Meanwhile…
“Government sources indicated they [draft guidelines] refer to a maximum length of stay for customers of up to 90 minutes in a food service premises including pubs serving food and it would also be necessary for customers to pre-book before turning up at a restaurant or a pub serving food.
Now that might sound like progress for such businesses in the sense that the two-metre rule would become one metre which is what they wanted.
But there’s likely to be some major practical difficulties there. Like, for example, establishments that rely heavily on walk-in trade only, like hotels perhaps, would there business disappear?
And for pubs, for example, would 90 minutes be sufficient for most customers? Certainly it would involve a change in behaviour for many people I think…”
Journalist Will Goodbody on RTÉ Radio One’s Morning Ireland earlier.
Fianna Fáil Leader Micheál Martin following a parliamentary party meeting in the Convention Centre, Dublin last night which endorsed the Programme for Government
I’m sure that we all will agree
It’s the team we’ve been waiting to see
So let’s raise a glass
To our new ruling class
Of FF and FG and G.
John Moynes
During lockdown some people may feel
That nature is starting to heal
But unfortunately that’s
Why there’s so many rats
And I just can’t see the appeal
John Moynes
Reuters
North Korea sees ‘no future benefit in maintaining a relationship’ between its leader Kim Jong-Un (left) and US President Donald Trump (right)
More bad news for Donald as Kim
Is no longer best friends with him
If he shuts his mouth then
The pair may meet again
But the chances are looking quite slim
John Moynes
Getty
Tucker Carlson attacks Elmo pic.twitter.com/KTkycca7SP
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) June 10, 2020
Fox News host Tucker Carlson criticised a CNN town hall meeting on racism featuring Sesame Street’s Elmo
Carlson’s viewers were in for a treat
A takedown of Sesame Street
For this may sound mad
But it seems Elmo’s dad
Is a villain that they must defeat
John Moynes
PG Tips and Yorkshire Tea tell Black Lives Matter critics to find other brands
This morning it’s charming to see
The people who make British tea
All teaming up and
Firmly taking a stand
Against racism and bigotry
John Moynes
A statue of slave trader Edward Colston is pushed into the docks during an anti-racism protest in Bristol, England
In Bristol they once honoured Ed
Whose greed left a great number dead
Until a great crowd
Spontaneously vowed
To drop him onto the seabed
John Moynes
Pic: Telegraph
