Communications Minister Richard Bruton said a new online watchdog would regulate all video-sharing platforms based in Ireland
If you’ve ever encountered a swine
Who is acting the bully online
The government say
There’s a law on the way
To make IT firms cough up a fine
John Moynes
Rollingnews
Two Northern Ireland fishing boats (above) have been impounded by the Irish Navy at Clogherhead Harbour, County Louth
When looking for fish in the sea
Make sure you’re where you’re meant to be
You may think it’s grand
To stay close to the land
But some chaps with guns may disagree
John Moynes
Pic: BBC
US president Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen testifies against Mr Trump before the House Oversight Committee yesterday
The blue team say “Cohen, let’s go
Speak of Trump, tell us all that you know”
Then the red team all squeal
“Did you get a book deal?”
And repeat. That’s the gist of the show
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Yesterday: ‘Shame On You’
A male sewer rat (above) described as having too much Winterspeck – literally ‘Winter bacon’ – attempts to crawl out of a manhole cover in the German town of Bensheim
Some firefighters slid down their pole
To go free a rat from a hole
It was shocked to learn that
It had gained so much fat
And agreed to learn more self control
John Moynes
Pic: Hessenschau
Outside St Michan’s Church, Dublin yesterday after thieves vandalised its crypt and removed the head of an 800 year old mummy known as ‘The Crusader’
On Sunday some dickheads climbed down
To a crypt in the heart of our town
And then for a lark
What they did in the dark
Would make anyone civilised frown
John Moynes
European Union Council President Donald Tusk (right) with British Prime Minister Theresa May during a summit of EU and Arab leaders in Egypt yesterday
It seems that Prime Minister May
Has figured out a cunning way
To keep her plan alive
She’ll merely contrive
To call for another delay.
John Moynes
Pic: AP
The Metrolink south section is to be abandoned following opposition to proposals to close a road linking Ranelagh and Rathmines in Dublin 6.
A road closure near the Green Line
Caused locals to get up and whine
And kick up a stink
About the MetroLink
And Minister Ross was supine
John Moynes
Moustache wearers, from left: Tom Selleck, Henry Cavill and Jamie Foxx
It’s happening, as I long feared
Now men turn their backs on the beard
But a hairy top lip
When the rest gets a clip
Will always strike me as plain weird.
John Moynes
Illustration via British GQ
A researcher claims the increase in Flat Earth believers could be traced back to YouTube.
It’s immediately obvious that
The planet we live on is flat
But a study has found
Those who say that it’s round
It’s clear these folk talk through their hat
John Moynes
Friday: A Poem For Moynes
US President Donald Trump is to invoke national emergency powers to secure funding for his planned border wall with Mexico
If Congress won’t act when you call
To piss away cash on a wall
Declare an emergency
And hope in the urgency
Your base won’t notice you fall
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
