A judge in Wisconsin called Lynn,
Has ruled it a terrible sin,
If a sandwich is cut,
An inch less than a foot,
She’ll fine you and put it in the bin.

John Moynes

Subway

It’s not really much of a shock,
That the British have bought up Red Rock,
So now will we see,
The folks from TV3,
Flogging the rest of their stock?

John Moynes

(TV3)

On the morning when folks get to vote,
There’s an absence we must sadly note,
Can any poll matter,
That leaves out Sepp Blatter?
‘Twould give you a lump in your throat.

John Moynes

Guardian

A portrait by Jorg Koster, among a collection of red-haired subjects going on display at Cork Airport

A German called Koster has said,
That he’s partial to hair tinted red,
In the town that’s the real,
Capital he’s said he’ll,
Hang a picture of each ginger head.

John Moynes

Jorg Koster

Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump savours victory last night in Nevada

That handsome electoral ace,
Is storming ahead in the race,
And if some cheap clown,
Tries to talk Donald down,
He’ll punch the chump right in the face.

John Moynes

Press Association

Former  Labour Party leader Ruairi Quinn at the party’s ‘think-in’ 2014

As he steps back from struggle and spin,
The fellow they call Ruairí Quinn,
Reflects on a life,
That’s had plenty of strife,
And more than one noteworthy win.

John Moynes

Sam Boal/Rollingnews

Mayor of London Boris Johnson (left) and British Prime Minister David Cameron

It’s the moment we’ve all waited for,
As the posh boys are going to war,
With themselves. There’ll be blood,
On the floor, which is good,
For the game matters more than the score.

John Moynes

Press Association

Donald Trump at Doonbeg Golf Club in 2014

There once was a golf club in Clare,
Which was bought by a man with great hair,
He said that the green,
Was the best he had seen,
But these days he just doesn’t care.

John Moynes

Coronation Street‘s Izzy Armstrong (Cherylee Houston) purchases cannabis on the soap

In Britain the Street takes a stand,
Supporting a drug that is banned,
If you get chronic pain,
Once then twice then again,
It might just leave you feeling grand.

John Moynes

ITV

The BT2 store that will house ‘Victoria’s Secret’

The papers are in for a treat,
As a shop opens on Grafton Street,
It’s news, so they must,
Print nothing else, just,
Some young wans displaying their meat.

John Moynes

Victoria’s Secret/Irish Times