The Parish Priest of Our Lady of Lourdes church in Cavan say he will defy paying any fines for saying mass
A Cavan-based priest Fr Hughes
Has decided that he will refuse
To follow the rules
Dreamed up by some fools
Who don’t want to see arses on pews
Dredgers, excavators and tugboats worked through weekend to free the cargo ship
Canal fans will want to take note
That in Suez, the Evergreen boat
Is still in the way
But authorities say
That before long it will be afloat
AFP/Getty
Earlier: Memey McMemeFace
Irish Times journalist Frank McNally (right) is attempting to revive what he calls the ‘traditional joke’
Frank McNally asserts that the joke
Is endangered and likely to croak
So if you think it’s worthwhile
Encouraging mirth I’ll
Suggest you share gags with more folk
Shutterstock/Irish Times
Tests reveal a hitherto unknown molecular switch that controls brain growth and makes the human organ three times larger than brains in the great apes
Some boffins have tried to explain
Why I’ve got such a very large brain
A progenitor cell
Gives the order to swell
Which leads to grey matter weight gain
A quarter of vegetarian meat substitutes contain insufficient protein, according to Safefood
Some boffins have findings which mean
Vegetarians may lack protein
If their diet includes
Lots of pre-prepared foods
Like Linda McCartney’s cuisine
Pic: Lidl
An influencer has claimed that the ‘mirror selfie’ is a form of visual trickery
A photo containing reflection
Is a good way to build a connection
With viewers. Your brand
Can grow this way and
It can also be done with deception
Via TikTok
The government has refused to support Dublin City Council’s plan to build a €25 million whitewater rafting attraction in Dublin’s docklands
A council which lacked the ability
To fund a large rafting facility
Had hoped that the state
Might want to donate
But all they received was hostility
Former President Mary McAleese has criticised Pope Francis’s renewed ban on same-sex blessings
Do you reckon there’s much of a hope
That McAleese might praise the pope?
While he sticks to a rule
That is unfair and cruel
It’s certain the answer is “nope”.
Australian boffins want to study psychedelic drugs like Ecstasy but the country’s Therapeutic Drug Association (TDA) has refused to classify them for use in clinical settings
Down under some ministers say
They’ll fund studies on MDMA
But don’t reach for that pill
Yet because there is still
No licence from the TDA
Shutterstock
Chimpanzees at two Czech zoos 150km apart can now watch one another’s daily lives on giant screens
Covid’s left chimps in a zoo
With long days full of not much to do
So the zookeepers get
Them hooked up to the net
Which may seem bizarre but it’s true
Getty
