Glastonbury Festival, Somerset, England. June 1991
Dublin poet Fran Cassidy writes:
On what should have been the first day of Glastonbury 2020, below is a semi mythical tale from the mists of the early 1990s. It contains some mild drug references which are obviously neither big nor clever.
The Girl With a Crass Patch on Her Jacket
A Glastonbury Tale
I was hitching to mass
When this girl with a Crass
patch on her jacket pulled over
Her eyes they were green
Her dreads tangerine
And I thought straight away that I loved her
She flashed me a smile
Which further beguiled
And asked me the way to the ferry
Saying ‘we’re all going to Glasto
Which should be a laugh so
You’re welcome to come and be merry’
But I am no fool
So I kept my cool
And I said to her chiselled cheekbones
‘We’re in the middle of Dublin
And there’ll be some trouble in
Trying to get to the stones
And plus I’ve no ticket’
But she replied ‘don’t be thick it
Is easy to go on the blag
We’ll give you a lift
And you might get a bift
In return for some skins and a fag’.
And you know it would have been safer
To go for the wafer
But her voice was so soft and so pure
And such was her beauty
I abandoned my duty
And opened the van’s sliding door
And there in the back
Just having the crack
Was a motley collection of drunks
With a dog on a rope
Some squidgy black dope
And the strange dirty smell of old punks
Which was like damp wool and must
Pachouli oil and crust
Woodsmoke with diesel and feet
And these dirty auld rogues
They put on the Pogues
And gave me a cookie to eat
And that’s when I blew it
Because before I knew it
We were dismounting in Holyhead
And the punks had been dancing
While I dreamt of romancing
Crashed out by myself on the bed
But I couldn’t feel grumpy
As they fed me with scrumpy
While we drove through rosy green lands
And I asked the driver
Could I sit up beside her
And she said ‘yes if you hold my cans
But you’ll all have to get out
When we’re there and about
To park up in the traveller’s field,
And then find your own way
There should be no need to pay
Because the perimeter isn’t well sealed’
And in the farewell kerfuffle
She slipped me a truffle
And then I was out of my bin
So I got a bit nimble
And went on a bimble
To try and find a way in
And I managed to to get pally
With a tracksuited scally
Who said that he’d dug a big hole
And if I would stop being so dense
He’d guide me under the fence
For a tenner to top up his dole
And once in the fest
It was really the best
Place that I’d ever been
Creativity and love
That viewed from above
Stretched further than by eye could be seen
Marquees and tents
That smelled of incense
With colourful banners on high
And ravers were gurning
Around campfires burning
As sound-systems clashed in the sky
Then I got a bit tipsy
With a freewheeling gypsy
Drinking flagons of his own special brew
He promised world revolution
When he found a solution
To his own life which he said was askew
And to keep his old chin up
He started to skin up
And we lay there and worked on our tans
And we decided what is nice is
That the ecological crisis
Could be solved by our recycling cans
Then things went Pete Tong
When I had to follow the pong
And saw the absolute state of the jacks
But I hid in the loo
Over the river of poo
Because paranoia was seeping through cracks
And some generous druids
Poured me magical fluids
And I was ready once more for the lash
Until a bean field veteran
Shared some Ketamine
And then I just needed to crash
Next day midst the racket
I spied the Crass patch on her jacket
Out seeking some after dark thrills
So I sat down beside her
For a hot spicy cider
And she slipped me one of her pills
And buoyed up on love
I said enough is enough
Would you like an auld roll in the hay
And she stared in my eyes
And said I’ll tell you no lies
I’d love to my dear but I’m gay
And then who should come over
But her Diesel Dyke lover
In Doc Martin’s, dungarees and a mullet
And although they were sound
And welcomed me around
For a while I was sick to the gullet
But a wizard selling trips
In the surrounding apocalypse
Advised me to go to the stones
And there my jealousy was lifted
As my reality shifted
And something just changed in my bones
And in the green fields on Sunday
I had quite a fun day
Making baskets and carved wooden spoons
With blacksmiths and plotters
And radical potters
And a cheerful assortment of loons
And I saw Billy Bragg
Raise the red flag
By the Workers Beer Company bar
And the lesbian lovers
Bought me some covers
From Smokey Joe’s blanket bazaar
And as the festival ended
Through rivers of people we wended
And we stopped at the Tiny tea tent
And I thought if I don’t get some sleep
I will be in a heap
But that’s the best few days I’ve ever spent
And although I didn’t get my oats
I awoke next day with some goats
Outside in a horse drawn camp
As sick as a dog
With my mind just a fog
And the front of my trousers all damp
So you can take it from me
If you ever should see
A girl with a Crass patch on her jacket
And you’re looking for fun
Well she might be the one
And Glastonbury’s a place that won’t lack it
Pic: Rex
Meanwhile…
50 years ago I played the flute, sax and clarinet in Marsupilami who played at the very first @glastonbury we were, and it was confirmed by Michael Eavis the first group on. So I was the first female musician to play at @glastonbury rock on x pic.twitter.com/HRh2vPGF2O
— Jekka (@JekkaMcVicar) June 24, 2020