What you may need to know:

1. Two convenience store clerks (Lilly-Rose Depp & Harley Quinn Smith) discover a plot to kill film critics with mini anus-crawling Nazis made from bratwurst.

2. It’s Kevin Smith everybody. Cracking himself up since 1994.

3. No doubt the starring role for his daughter played a big part in persuading dog-smuggling Johnny Depp to continue further down the path of career suicide.

4. Yoga Hosers is the middle part of a trilogy, because such quality demands a trilogy. Next up… Moose Jaws.

5. Smith is responsible for 98% of worldwide ice hockey jersey sales. Fact. A Mumu can’t be far.

6. A lot of folks still rate Smith. A lot of folks are wrong.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: Rhymes with trite. A big, steaming pile of trite.

Release Date: July 29.

(Mark writes about film and TV at WhyBother.ie)

What you may need to know:

1. Nic Cage, atom bombs, submarines and sharks.

2. The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by the Japanese in July 1945. Only 316 members of the 1,196-strong crew survived four days in shark-infested waters.

3. “Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eye.” Fans of Jaws (1975) will recall that the Indianapolis was the ship that Quint served on during WWII. And the cause of his shark aversion.

4. Look at that poster. So much fail.

5. Probably not coming to a cinema near you.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: A Shark Tale.

Release Date: May 27.

(Mark writes about film and TV at WhyBother.ie)

What you may need to know:

1. Wheelchair-bound Will (Sam Clafin) falls in love with his caregiver, Lou (Emilia Clarke). And vice versa.

2. Film adaption of Jojo Moyes’ hugely successful airport novel. If you didn’t read it on your holliers then you probably know someone who did.

3. It’ll end in tears.

4. Not mine, though. I’m not feeling it. *Sniff*

5. Broadsheet prognosis: Cognitive Dignitas.

Release Date: June 3.

What you may need to know:

1. Biopic of Edward Snowden (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), the CIA analyst who leaked classified NSA documents in 2013.

2. This stuff is a gift for Oliver Stone.

3. The director must be struggling to find material after working through almost every US president.

4. Which might explain Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

5. Ladies and gentlemen… It’s Nicolas Cage.

6. I’m just popping off to clear my browsing history.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: Whistle while you blow.

Release Date: September 16.

What you may need to know:

1. Jesse Eisenberg plays the Woody-by-proxy role for the second time in the director’s 48th movie.

2. Late-period Allen is like a family-sized box of Roses on Stephen’s Day; it’s still chocolate, but the purple ones are long gone.

3. Steve Carell took over from Bruce Willis, who dropped out due to “scheduling issues”.

4. Not the first name that would spring to mind.

5. There’s still no sign of Allen’s TV show for Amazon. It doesn’t sound good, though.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: If you can’t be good, be funny.

Release Date: August 12.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnD-rBXattk

What you may need to know:

1. Seven outlaws are hired to protect the sleepy town of Rose Creek from greedy industrialist Bartholomew Bogue (Peter Sarsgaard).

2. Director Antoine Fuqua (Training Day, The Equalizer) fixes the unbroken. With the help of Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt and Ethan Hawke..

3. Of course, John Sturges’ The Magnificent Seven (1960) was a remake of Akira Kurasawa’s Seven Samurai (1954).

4. Which makes this a remake of a remake, or a matryoshka doll of mundanity.

5. Would these endless remakes be more acceptable if they changed the titles? The Heroic Heptad, perhaps? Or The Spectacular Septuplicate?

6. Robert Vaughn is the last of the magnificent OGs still standing.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: The man don’t give a Fuqua.

Release Date: September 13.

What you may need to know:

1. Fratboy Jake (Blake Jenner) navigates his first weekend of big school.

2. Richard Linklater follows the monumentally overrated Boyhood (2014) with this “spiritual sequel” to Dazed and Confused (1993).

3. More like a spiritual sequel to Porky’s (1982).

4. It’s safe to say that this one won’t be bothering the Oscars.

5. Linklater almost makes Kevin Smith look sophisticated. Almost.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: None for me thanks.

Release Date: May 13.

What you may need to know:

1. A young woman’s (Elle Fanning) youth and vitality is devoured by the modelling industry in Los Angeles.

2. Hipster Dalai LamaNicolas Winding Refn returns from the critical drubbing of Only God Forgives (2013)

3. The Neon Demon will premiere at Cannes in May. It’s Refn’s third consecutive movie screened in competition.

4. This looks like another exercise in style over substance.

5. Broadsheet prognosis: Blacker Swan.

Release Date: July 8.

What you may need to know:

1. Oh yes. The Shelby brand goes global.

2. Series 3 opens with Tommy’s wedding. But is the blushing bride Horsey May Carleton (Charlotte Riley) or Grace “will I stand up on a chair and sing a song for you, Tommy” Burgess (Annabelle Wallis)??

3. Tom Hardy returns as psycho Alfie Solomons and Paddy Considine debuts as the Blinders’ new nemesis, a dodgy priest (fancy that).

4. Major Campbell (Sam Neill) is surely a goner. To be shot once is unfortunate etc..

5. Quite simply, Peaky Blinders is one of the best things on TV. If you’re not on board yet then Series 1 & 2 are on Netflix.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Take a little walk…

Release Date: May (BBC).