What you may need to know:

1. When a mad scientist threatens New York, a group of mutated turtles and a talking rat emerge from the shadows to protect their home.

2. You know, for kids.

3. They can’t all be winners.

4. Back in 1987, the first animated series was produced in Dublin by Jimmy Murakami.

5. Of course they were “hero turtles” back then. It was assumed that the word “ninja” would result in kids killing each other with nunchucks and katanas.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Leonardon’t.

Release Date: June 3.

What you may need to know:

1. I just… Nope, I just can’t.

2. Has anyone ever done so much with so little as Ricky Gervais? Piers Morgan, perhaps. Or James Corden.

3. There’s an album on the way too. Comedy gold.

4. The Office wasn’t funny if you happened to work in one.

5. Don’t feed him and he’ll just go away. Until the next Golden Globes.

6. This is what will become of Leather Jacket Guy in 5 to 10 years’ time. Take heart.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: A cold, hard look into the empty soul of Ricky Gervais.

Release Date: August 19.

What you may need to know:

1. Gareth Edwards directs the first “in between” Star Wars anthology movie.

2. A group of rebels steal the plans to the Death Star while the builders are still snagging.

3. Altogether now: “It’s a small thermal exhaust port right below the main port.”

4. Many Bothans didn’t die to bring us this information. That was the second Death Star.

5. It is Mon Mothma (Genevieve O’Reilly) in the trailer, though. And Ben Mendelsohn looking very Grand Moff Tarkin-ish.

6. Disney have done very well with the property so far. But I’m not digging any of the names in contention for the Phil Lord/Christopher Miller Han Solo movie.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: That’s no moon…

Release Date: December 16.

Meanwhile…

Rapscallion writes:

Spoilers: 1st poster for Kingsman The Golden Circle (2017)

What you may need to know:

1. An island castaway (Paul Dano) finds a flatulent, multi-functional corpse (Daniel Radcliffe) and uses it to escape.

2. Yes, really.

3. All credit to Radcliffe for picking interesting post-Potter roles, but what the what?

4. This really split audiences when it premiered at Sundance this year. There were plenty of walk-outs, but it went on to win the directing award.

5. Go Hasselhoff!

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Weekend at Bernie’s III.

Release Date: June 17.

What you may need to know:

1. Two radio journalists fake their own kidnapping.

2. Written, directed and starring Ricky Gervais. *Shudder*

3. It’s another Netflix original.

4. Well, sort of. Special Correspondents is a remake of the 2009 French movie du même nom.

5. Is there any sadder sound than the oppressive silence of wasting an hour browsing Netflix?

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Dance, monkey, dance.

Release Date: April 29 (Netflix).

—

What you may need to know:

1. Will Arnett’s Lego Batman gets a spin off. With Ralph “the ‘L’ is silent” Fiennes as Alfred.

2. There are no fewer than FOUR Lego movies in the pipeline. Ninjago is due in 2017, and Phil Lord/Chris Miller’s Lego Movie Sequel is out in 2018. Jason Segel is also developing The Billion Brick Race for a 2018 release.

3. That’s a lot of bricks.

4. So, what did we think of Batman v Superman?

5. It seems to be getting a lot of hate, but in fairness I’ve seen worse.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Everything’s not awesome.

Release Date: February 10, 2017.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuH3tJPiP-U

What you may need to know:

1. It’s the first season not based on George RR Martin’s books, so fans have no idea what will go down.

2. But Jon Snow (who knows nothing) is dead. Probably.

3. To be honest I could never get into Game of Thrones, so I have no idea what’s going on here.

4. I do know that it’s about Lannisters and Starks and dragons. And goblins, maybe?

5. And rape. Loads of rape. It’s not the sort of thing that the beardy pig-loving bloke off the Vodafone ad would stick on to woo his lady friend.

6. While I’m killing sacred cows… The Wire wasn’t all that either.

7. Broadsheet prognosis: Is it too late for a Leeroy Jenkins cameo?

Release Date: April 25 (Sky Atlantic).

What you may need to know:

1. Bridget Jones (Renée Zellweger) is 40 and pregnant, but she can’t be sure if the father is Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) or new squeeze Jack Qwant (Patrick Dempsey).

2. I bet Ed Sheeran is the dad. We’ll be watching “Bridget Jones’s Ginger Baby” in five years’ time.

3. Some of this was shot at Sheeran’s Croke Park gigs last year.

4. No Hugh Grant. Excellent…

5. You can say what you like about Zellweger, but she does a good full English.

6. Broadsheet prognosis: Is Grey’s Anatomy still going?

Release Date: September 16.

What you may need to know:

1. Anthropomorphic sausage Frank (Seth “Hur Hur” Rogen) freaks out after discovering that his sole purpose is to be eaten.

2. If your kid is a fussy eater, don’t bring them to this.

3. Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.

4. Of course the potato is Oirish.

5. Broadsheet prognosis: Anti-Toy Story.

Release Date: August 12.

What you may need to know:

1. David Yates directs the nth adaption of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ source material for Warner Bros.

2. Cheetah! Boy! Umgawa!

3. With a shirtless Alexander Skarsgård (for the laydees), Margot Robbie (for the gents), and Christoph Waltz in full moustache-twirling villain mode.

4. For once, the monkey is not played by Andy Serkis.

5. Broadsheet prognosis: Needs more loincloth.

Release Date: 8 July.

(Mark writes about film, TV and other stuff at WhyBother.ie)