Tag Archives: Vanessa Foran

 

Steph (top) who was Star Baker on last night’s Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4, watched and reviewed by Vanessa Foran (above)

Heatwave week in the tent; and I can honestly say I was sweating with them.  I nearly had the teenager get me a wet tea towel just so I could join in with the bakers.

An unusual look back this week – well unusual to the format ye might have come to expect here on the Bake’Sheet, and in two respects; one the Technical, I thought it was brilliant, whereas I’m normally meh and I’ll leave it up to yourselves about it.

I never heard of the Warka /Brick pastry before, I thought until I started putting this together earlier that it was the Hollywood’s gentle scouser accent for Water pastry.

Before I go on, let me record a bias with ye; I actually do have an personal interest here because I use Filo pastry a fair bit, Frilly’s Chicken Pie is all about it in fact.

As ye well know I follow the word of Mary Berry like a die-hard true believer – I buy my Filo, but you know what? I’ve every intention of giving this a go.

OK, so we saw they had some specialist kit, but both items, the flat pan and the broad flat pastry brush are easily improvised from what we have in the press anyway; most of us that would be glazers probably have a collection of pastry brushes, and shur who doesn’t have some from of pizza tray?

A word of advice about last night’s Moroccan Chicken pie, Paul Hollywood’s recipes must be followed to the exact mill, degree and second, don’t even think about deviating. But I found loads of stuff on YouTube plugging Warka pastry How-To’s that will take you through it so you won’t be alone.

The other element that wouldn’t be the norm for me, was who went home.  I wasn’t predisposed to picking out any of the three on that step; Rosie , Alice or Henry the Tie man, whereas I’d normally be more inclined somewhere.

In many ways a case was there for any of the three, and with what has been broadcast so far, Rosie could be considered likely as she is the only one without a Star baker notch, and yet I could never deny that she is as good as any other Baker to reach a Bake Off Semi final.

I didn’t have high hopes for Henry at the start of the season, but he was a great contestant, and full of personality. Last night, even in the heat he didn’t wilt, or fail to be a great addition to the Bake Off alumni.

Nonetheless lads, Henry is leaving with both a Hollywood handshake and a Star Baker, so in keeping with the programming technical conditions applied last week, he is currently second runner up GBBO Season 10.

So what harm to him, besides, I’d say he’s going to be great craic on Friday night’s Extra Slice.

I only land on it occasionally, and the part I like the most are the its meant to be a insert etc cake and they ended up with this.  But I will be setting the box for this one.  I think a star has been born.

Hon’ the Steph, and wasn’t she there in it again from the Signature. You know what she does so well? She gets the most out of an ingredient.  Like last night, she wrung out those shallots for everything they had to offer in her Tarte Tatin.

The girl has a flair for pastry, its so naturally inherent that she doesn’t even recognise it.  I don’t for a moment consider her self doubts about her prospects for Pastry week as a blaggard to lower expectations.  She’s just naturally gifted, and shur didn’t we see evidence of this hidden talent back twenties week.

This is a good time to chip in a bit about Tarte Tatin, at home here, it’s a use up stuff before it goes off bake, and there’s no work in it.  But I never considered a savoury version.

So this is another plug for a bake that any level home baker can accomplish.  Buy your puff, and onions which are always included in your shop anyway, come fully loaded with sugar and will naturally caramelise.  I’ve done Onion Tarts before but not in a Tatin formation. I will now tho’

Having dumbed down the Tarte Tatin there, let me strut now for a bit; from the intro to the Judges and the fancy drawings, I already had my fingers crossed that Henry’s Crab and Spud recipe would be put up; and it’s our lucky day.

Especially as only two recipes were given away to us this week, the technical is a formality and lucky us, goodbye Henry’s; which I suspect will be hacked by many, and not just the home bakers, but chefs and bakeries up and down this Country will be having it too. 

I’m not going to bother pestering ye with commentary about last nights Showstopper, only to say that we’ve seen stacked pies before, and S8 finalist Kate’s recipe for Potato Curry Pie deserves to be plugged again.

David has finally broke his streak with a win at the technical, and yeah, he is an alright semi finalist; but I’ve been with Steph all the way from Cake Week, so it would probably break my heart for it to end.

It looks like a Patisserie Semi Final, and do you know what?

I expect Steph and Rosie to progress while David and Alice rattle those stools with their squeaky bums.

So same time same place; ’till then Bake!

Pic: Channel4

From top: Henry gets a Paul Hollywood handshake on the Great British Bake-Off last night on Channel 4; Vanessa Foran

It was the week of festival fashion; Steph got a Hollywood.

But ah Michael , you were a goner the moment Alice sat her showstopper in front of Paul and Prue.

And I think we all have to take a knee and show our respects to Alice here, me especially.

She came back from a last place in the Technical and suffered Achilles severing feedback for her Signature; they look homemade At Showstopper time that girl went back into the tent as The Walking Dead and came out like a Grimes.

There is no denying I had hopes for Michael – even touting him for the final here week in week out, now he might be bound for the Extra Slice, but he is the tenth member of a very special guild that’ll never have the likes of me; Bread Week Star Baker.

So, him and his Hollywood handshake will not be just another baker to leave the tent; he is – albeit for a programming technicality; the runner up GBBO Season 10.

Surely it’s Steph’s to lose now.

She was there in it for Star Baker again from the Signature, but in fairness Henry was entitled it. Their Festival Buns, although miles apart in terms of style, had the pair of them narrowed down straight away.

Steph’s Zesty Lemon Curd Cross Buns are set to Easy. Now I would dispute that as so much can go wrong within the different elements and especially when some of them involve enriched dough. But while I’m here I’ll point ye to her glaze for your own notes; (it might be handy to top off a tea brack or a fruit cake.)

Whereas Henry’s MummaBullar cool knot ones are set to Challenging; yet the biggest challenge there for me is the presence of honey.

We have no history or tradition of enriched dough or festival / celebration breads here in Ireland, but if I were to recommend any I would use Steph’s recipe and Henry’s tight roll and wrap around knot technique.

I’ll need to get better at trapping video from the telly, but as soon as I manage it I’ll get a demo pinged up for you. But don’t be waiting on it – don’t let me stop ye.

So, having said that, and with no apologies, I’m not going to bother myself (or ye) going into the other bakes last night. Like, even if they are deep fried, I still wouldn’t eat Ricotta Chocolate and Orange Ravioli , naw’ mind making one from scratch. As for a Sarawak, ah c’mon. Yeah, lovely idea, but so are Crème Eggs.

As we are now into the Quarter Finals, lets have a quick round-up before ye go back to Brexit and Budgets.

This final five are absolutely the best five left after last night, and I think I’ve finally figured out Dr Rosie.

She’s too ould’ for a young ‘wan.

Even though Shut Up Henry is the lad that wears a tie around the kitchen, isn’t Rosie a bit too frumpy? She’s professionally qualified and already in full practice like a veteran with thirty years clocked up, and an incredibly accomplished and confident baker, but does anyone else think she’s a bit too middle aged?

I know I’m being totally unfair and admittedly completely out of order here, but seriously Rosie, you’re still in your twenties girl so look and act like you’re in your twenties ffs, not like an empty nester in their 50s.

I’m just the opposite – an’ ould wan who thinks they are in their 20s, so a punchy begrudgery is a natural occurrence in my subconscious. In any case, good luck to Rosie, she absolutely deserves to be there.

We are after all at quarter-final stage now, so all our speculation, supposing and supporting has to be critical.

To me anyway, David is still the sort of bridesmaid there, but so was Sophie Faldo until the S8 final; just saying, I didn’t warm to her either btw. But for now at least, Steph’s still my odds on.

Pastry, the old reliable of the Bake Off is our quarter final.  So no matter who your favourite is, that’ll put manners on them all.

And honestly I’m glad we’re back to a traditional Bake-Off standardised test.

Over the last ten seasons I would have to agree there is a place for non-recurring themes, like Victorian Bakes, Gluten-Free Baking, Spice Week and even Danish Week.

But the last two episodes had a look that they were running out of ideas and that gimmickry was coming into the tent; and with respect, I think the producers have pushed that line as far as they can with Noel and Sandi’s little vignettes.

Imagine me putting a batter sausage flavoured bun burger in front of the Hollywood last night as an Irish Festival Signature.

See what I mean?

So even though pastry doesn’t suffer fools, and our favourites might be at risk; welcome to the quarter final everyone.

Same time, same place.

Pic: Channel 4


 Steph (centre) won Star Baker for the third time last night with her’choff-ee’ lava bombe (top) on Channel 4’s Great British Bake-Off, watched by Vanessa Foran (above)

I could easily have been in that tent last night with the running commentary that was going on; Ah Priya that looks like a faded Wexford Jersey …. too many nuts Steph

You’ll already recognise why I’m singling out those two. It was absolutely Priya’s turn to go no matter what she got up to last night.

In fairness we’ve all had good days and bad bakes, yet each sending off to the Extra Slice this year has kept in sync with their rankings; well with my 1-13 anyway.

Even if the Handshakes aren’t.  Jesus Christ give her a handshake ya bollix. 

Would you have preferred a Hollywood handshake or your third Star Baker?  Well if it’s of any use to you, I couldn’t tell you what I’d pick either, but I do think the Hollywood was being a prick about it last night; and he has only given out two over 18 by x no. of bakers so far.

Even if her Signature Eton Mess Meringue Cake had already placed her in the running for Star Baker, Steph was definitely short changed by the Hollywood for her showstopper Bombe just as much as she was last week with her Sour Lime Cocktail Cake.

And now, since we’re entering the business end of this season in the tent, a quick bit of Star Baker revision wouldn’t do any harm.

The Three-in-Row Star Baker was previously achieved, in season five, the Ice Cream – Freezer gate one, Richard got five in total, and his last three were consecutive.

An important note to add about this little Bakeoff’ricity is that he didn’t win the final.  Nancy did. Who oddly enough, only got one Star Baker, week one – Cake week, which is exactly where Alice is.

So, Steph keep it to together girl.

Speaking of keeping it together, Michael was definitely in better shape last night. So I’m still singling out Steph and Michael for the final, and maybe Alice – based on previous like

A quick word about last night’s Signature It’s great to see every day bakes being featured; especially ones that can be adapted, tarted up or dressed down, no matter what the occasion or what’s in the press.

Meringue is every baker’s best shout when caught short; the only problem with Meringue is that it’s fussy about who it works best with.

So David and his Cloves should have a clatter from Paul.

Actually you could tell desserts weren’t his thing anyway, and you know, I’d say he was already planning his work out to shift those Meringue Cake calories –

And that makes him a Fake Baker in my book; send him home next Paul.  I don’t care if he’s got a handshake.

You can’t call yourself an amateur home baker and get to this level without being one of us; it’s all about desserts and the treats, and the sugery chocolately creamy stuff, and always, always worth the calories.

A quick note specifically to the still-not-convinced about home baking and the Bake’Sheet monologues; Meringue is just two ingredients; egg white and sugar; in a 1:2 ratio, that you bate until white glossy and lickable (although I wouldn’t.) And par for the baking bit, 120° for 120 minutes.

The oven is never too hot for smallies, and you can stuff it, paste it, fill it, or crumble it with anything you like.

Speaking of crumbling – Eton Mess is my new name for Brexit.

Onto the technical.  Ah so what; posh fancy pants trifle.  But Prue’s receipe does break down into nice elements, like that Streusel is something you might want to keep for that whenever occasion we keep promising ourselves with.

The Bombe Showstopper has been dabbled with before in the tent, and like the Signature, this can be dolled up or down, depending on the occasion or your mood.  Skill level or ingredients don’t really control the effort or the outcome.

All in all, it was a good week in the tent because all the challenges can be attempted by all and any level of home baker; and better again, no kit is really really needed beyond a bowl, a mixer, a tray and an oven.

Unfortunately there isn’t much to offer this week by way of recipes; but given the challenges – Meringue, Trifle and a cold Dessert Bombe, I don’t think it would stop anyone from giving a Meringue Cake a lash while Lorenzo passes over.

Next week is another original; Festivals, so I suppose anything can happen inside a tent at a festival.

So ‘till then; BAKE!

Pic: Channel 4

From top: High tea with the Great British Bake-Off presenters, from left: Prue Leith, Noel Fielding, Sandi Toksvig, and Paul Hollywood; Vanessa Foran

Last night.

Great British Bake-Off viewers were transported back to the roaring 1920s in the fifth episode of the Channel 4 series.

Vanessa Foran writes:

I loved the theme especially the idea of a Cocktail Cake, but to the veteran Bake Offender and Hollywood watchers the ending was predictable from early on; the Hollywood’s facial expressions pretty much gave the game away anyway.

But the brilliance of Bake- Off is that sometimes even knowing the ending doesn’t matter, and it certainly didn’t ruin Roaring Twenties’ night for me.

Like last week I’m opening with the ending.

The moment Helena said lavender I could feel the Hollywood’s eye roll so didn’t really need his this isn’t going to end well smirk as he moved on to know how he really felt.

Serious contenders for this competition would know by now Paul Hollywood has no grá for lavender.  (He’d be right at home in my house; I can’t stand it either.  It smells nice in the garden tho’.)

The only thing that could save Helena after that was a showstopper to make him forget she put soapy custard in front of him the day before.

Now I have stood by Helena up to now, but in the end she just took the Halloween shtick too far.  By last night it was silly, sloppy and childish.

But worse again, she ignored the task and snubbed the theme of the week, so she had to go.

Over the years of this series people, and especially rejected bakers, read too much into the Technical, but they only count when it’s a close call; I suppose you could call them the photo finish of the Bake-Off Tent.

And last night’s, ah here Technical, Prue’s fried choux balls pretty much had the batens’ of everyone, so I knew it would be the double elimination show.

I know choux makes a fool out me all the time.  But in all fairness, how could a sauce with three ingredients – one of them liquor get so badly mangled.

I am not surprised to see Michelle go either since all parts of her weekend were Depression-era stuff.

Steph’s has been my champion since week one, and when I saw that razor thin pastry last night I knew she was on the Star Baker short list again.

Even though it was David who got the Handshake last night; I’m still not convinced but I do like his recipe and they were Flappertastic looking; too good looking to eat maybe.

So that’s two HH’s and we’re halfway through so they must mean something and I’ll never question or doubt Paul Hollywood.

All through the show Michael looked in need of an assistance animal or something to relieve his anxiety.  Star Baker in Bread week and the first Handshake of the season ffs, he needs to get a grip on himself now if he’s to do himself any justice.

His baking is definitely final level stuff.  And last night, now I tried to get video it from the telly but I made a mickey of it, but when he introduced his signature Lime and Mango tarts the Hollywood was visibly smacking his lips.

See Helena, Michael did his homework, Lime is one of the Hollywood’s favourites.

And so did Steph – I am totally drooling over her Lime sponge Showstopper and totally deserved a Handshake.

Her recipe says it needs skill, but that really only applies to the decoration; and shur’ since when do we decorate to match the picture on the recipe?

Henry the tie man and Pirya are still in it, so them surviving last week was no fluke.

And a back-to-back for my shout out Steph Star Baker was well deserved last night, I really saw no other contender after David’s showstopper sagged.

Dr Rosie went to great lengths with her Impressive Domes, went one further by showing tribute to what custard pies are more known for, slapstick splat.

So much for my earlier reservations as she showed some real class in both her signature and her showstopper, so much so I was really hoping to have her White Russian Cocktail Cake recipe for ye today.

That’s it folks, if ye’re up to it lets hear what your own Cocktail Cake would be, and in the meantime Tip of the Week:water’ spray on the drizzle, thank you Henry.

Next week:
Desserts, or as gaeilge, Afters, so till then; BAKE! 

From top: Disgusted by the quality of cakes, Paul Hollywood walks out of the tent during last night’s Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4; Vanessa Foran

And the responsorial psalm is Full fat all the way;

I know he went home (and we’ll talk some more about it later) but for many of us that’s pure gospel; maybe a truck driver called Phil is my Patronus; maybe not, but he speaks to my spirit anyway. Full fat all the way.

There’s so much to talk about in last night’s Signature, but first I want to just bring us back to our own Bakesheet interests.

The first bake I did from the new kitchen here was Millie Murderlarks Buttermilk Sponge from last season’s Bakesheet; I remember her saying it was a Friendly Cake.  I didn’t share this with ye before because, well, nobody was really in the humour for cake least of all a Friendly Cake at the time.

Anyway, it was a no brainer for me to follow through with because I usually have a litre of buttermilk in the fridge just for baking.  Just like a baker will always have both plain and self-raising, and a range of sugars from caster to dark muscovado to icing.

And of course tubs of sour cream for just about everything else.

I was delighted with myself following the Signature last night, like there was more going on than just cultured dairy to share with the bakers at home; I loved that it was Cake, and pretty much all of them are easy, well the four here are tagged easy.

I wouldn’t be so sure about Helena’s spooky sponge or Michael’s Sour Lemon sponge with cheesecake filling – but feck I would have ate it, all of it, even the plate it was on, no matter what condition it came in.

The only difficulties are, and by way of an Ask a Broadsheeter – oil spray or butter for those fancy Bundt tins?

It is well established by now that I hate to promote anything here that requires kit that isn’t already in the everyday kitchen baking press.

But since I’ve a healthy suspicion it might be on a lot of bakers Christmas wish list; and I’m getting one anyway, so I thought I’d ask and share a Mary Berry’ism that I live by myself; get the very best you can afford.

So if you have fifty yoyos – spend the fifty, and not go home with one reduced to twenty.

And in fairness, Steph’s Rasa Chocolate Fudge was made for it.  Shur you’re worth it.  (and if someone can post up a reliable source for the freeze dried rasas’ you’ll be on the short list for the hamper.)

Another whinge for what was a great mutual Signature collective experience is that Rosie’s homemade Limoncello isn’t included in the recipe for her Limoncello & Basil cake and I think we are being short changed here.

OK, I know we are getting the recipe for free from the producers, but in fairness she got a brag and they got a telly moment out’ve Prue sneaking it away. It’s a Just Saying, that’s all.

The Technical; so bad it was good.  Even the Hollywood turned his backside to it.  Good in the sense we were introduced to a bake we’d never heard of, and one we wouldn’t dream of, Mary Anne Boermans excepted of course (who has the best bake blog going – @wotchers btw.)

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came up with that technical for the producers.

Is it any wonder I’m now gagging at sharing this, I’d say that tent smelled like baby’s vomit – in the back seat of a ten year old car, in July.  And no matter the state of it was, Steph was the best of the lot.

Showstoppers; would ye?  Definitely not for me, boiling milk and stirring and stirring? I’d rather change the beds.

So I’ll be leaving it for the milk sweet experts and the lovers of Mishtie, the only interest I had in it was hoping Helena’s lemon sherbet recipe would be shared, and shouting you silly boy! at Henry to leave the freezer closed.

Jesus he couldn’t leave it alone, I was convinced he was going, I really was, so when Phil got called out, I too was shocked.

But you know, he wasn’t going to progress all that much further anyway; and it’s worth remembering we don’t get to see everything in the tent or witness the full depth of the judging.

Yet even from my own viewing of this year’s bakers, I would agree that Henry the tie man and Pirya deserved another round of challenges before being culled.

Big shout out to my fav from the start, Steph , Star Baker was well deserved last night.  She’s enjoyable and endearing; and good telly , also my pick for the final, along with last week’s Star Baker Michael.

Another great night for Helena who is clearly thriving.

I’m not getting Michelle or Dr Rosie but they deserve to be taking seriously in fairness.

Roaring Twenties next week.  Cocktails and Custards apparently.

I think I’ll have to go all out and put feathers in my hair.  Till then; BAKE!

Pic: Channel4

From top: Paul Hollywood (right) gave his first handshake of current series of the Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4 last night: Vanessa Foran

Interestingly, the weakest three on Great British Bake-Off Week 1 are now gone, and in the correct order. In fairness to Amber she was the better of the three.

However I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Amelia  I expect her to start appearing on daytime telly any minute now showing us how to make curtains in-between homemade healthy lunch box’ibles and dinners for a fiver.

There is nowhere to hide in Bread Week, it’s the Marquee Event, the Cork v Tipp Munster Hurling Final of Bake Off. Even Gardeners and Anglers would tune in for it.

It could be just me, but the Hollywood was more visible around the bakers last night than in other years, and we finally got a handshake out of him.

The moment he turned over Michael’s signature Keralan Star Bread  to check the bottom I knew he was smitten; btw this isn’t as complicated as it looks, and that that Coconut chutney recipe is a keeper.

As I’ve said before, the really the great thing about breads is that there is no kit needed; only patience and your respect.

So tell me; what’s more important, the burger or the bun. A veggie burger? From Paul Hollywood? On Bread Week? That might be all you need to hear from me about the technical last night.

But if, and it does happen, say if you had someone awkward or worse again – a vegan, coming for a proper sit down with matching plates, and candles, you could always say it’s a Paul Hollywood recipe , so it’s worth bringing it to your attention; but he can keep his baps. I’ll still be buying them from the old SuperQuinn Bakery in Walkinstown.

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t really arsed with last night’s technical and didn’t even give the judging much attention, like – a veggie burger, come on. The Bake-Off Lifer can hardly be expected to hang off every word the Hollywood has to say about a veggie burger; besides I had a hidden bar of Dark Milk to find.

I preferred the tradition of doing more international bakes in the set technicals, like that Couronne  (series 4) and Dampfnudel  (series 7).

Before I take us through the Showstopper to the end, Tear and Share isn’t a new in the tent, and I remember Dan’s Chelsea Buns getting a HH.

I’m mentioning this type of bake because I’m a divil for the Cinnamon Roll myself and we saw two attempts last night. I know I would have preferred Helena’s  and to be fair I think the Hollywood tried to as well. But here’s David’s  Cinnamon Swirls  because if you’re going to the effort of a show-off brunch you might as well make them more fancy.

I loved the Showstopper.

Especially the Judging. The Hollywood was handling and dissecting those loaves of bread like he was a forensic pathologist. I was quite giddy; it must be said.

You don’t even need a surgical scalpel to achieve the look most got last night, so do try Steph’s Wholemeal loaf  (Although I would be more likely to do a mix of lemon balm and purple thyme rather than just the rosemary.)

Remember what I said about yeast and bread baking; patience and respect. And these scored loafs are an example of patience and respect. Even if it’s a a homemade shiv your using to slash the shape of a daffodil.

The oven doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care who has mixed the ingredients, what their socio-economic status is or if the operator has a gender. It doesn’t demand you have your shots before your go in nor dose it ask your for a reference. You give it its instructions and its contents.

A recipe doesn’t proscribe religion or who its follower should vote for, or the define a family or even who you use it for.

Baking is the great equaliser, it keeps manners on everyone; and the Hollywood is its independent authority.

So what about our Bakers, Star Baker Michael’s was in no doubt, I didn’t even look at anyone else in the line-up. He reminds me a lot of John Thwaite  who went on to win (series 3), and actually has some of the best recipe books out there.

John was also accident prone and took his baking seriously, but not personally if it went wrong; and he was watchable, Just like Michael.

Delighted Steph and Helena had good weeks, but I’m just not warming to Rosie.

In a way they’re all still in it but I have a suspicion David might struggle next week; Dairy

He just doesn’t have the look of a lad who likes his creamy custard, thick ganache, crème pat or even keeps a just in case carton of double cream in the fridge.

Yes, you read that right. Dairy.

Pic: Channel 4

Previously: Vanessa Foran on Broadsheet

On last night’s Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4, Alice Fevronia’s chocolate and honeycomb confections made her Star Baker for biscuit week

I did say I would be a day late [with this review], but I still need to apologise. I just couldn’t wait to get this one out and there were moments yesterday it felt like I was trying to hide a soggy bottom in a puddle of custard from ye.

Over the Bake’ Sheet series, it may have come across that I never took this particular Bake-Off setting seriously, like last year I did take issue with the sequence in the schedule, and the previous year I set out my own feeble and lazy reasoning for snubbing the home baked biscuit.

But you know what, I think I have to change my tune.

The tenth Biscuit Tent’venture event was brilliant. Every single crumb and snap of it.

I’m not going to pretend any of us, or even the bakers in the Tent would do biscuit bars by choice; but I reckon I’m not the only one changing their mind. Even for a one off.

Honestly, if I’m to toast Bake-Off for anything this year it is that it put biscuits back into our recipe folders, drawers and tubs. I even predict trays of dedicated recipe books by Christmas.

Before I go on, let’s get the who and why out of the way. Jamie had to go, like, I was surprised he even came back for a second weekend. It was distressing telly at times, but no harm was done to any other baker. Nor should the producers be blamed, as Henry is coping so well he does it in a shirt and tie.

On a technical point, the Hollywood is wrong, Henry is not the first baker to wear a tie, Nick Hewer ; and anyone remember the very first baker to go?

Now I’m only half convinced about Alice , but from the Signature “BAKE” blow gun she was the Star Baker  all the way; and I have a feeling people will get very attached to her.

You’ll find in her Showstopper a tidy recipe for coconut shortbread, and you might even be tempted to give it a go as a celebration cake. Like everything marked as challenging, just isolate out the individual elements and give yourself an overnight to complete.

I can’t exactly put my finger on my favourite from the Signature Challenge, but I don’t think I was the only one, even the producers have provided four recipes  from it.

I don’t think they have ever been that generous, and bearing in mind nothing we are likely to be producing will ever be subject to Hollywood scrutiny, I am encouraging all of us to give one a go as a traybake.

Who seriously didn’t want a whole packet of Rosie’s  to be in the press? Or who wouldn’t mind just a taste of Henry’s fancy pantsy afternoon tea ones?

The only thing I’m reluctant about touting these bakes is that the kit isn’t in everyone’s press, but most of those ingredients are, OK maybe not that pink chocolate or gold fake, but if I spot those trays in the Aldi/ Lidl I absolutely would.

Did you ever try a fig roll? Shur ye know I didn’t, but I will, Again, this is set to challenging, but you know I don’t think it is, so this is it; my first technical try-this-at-home. Not this weekend, but the first chance I get.

A brief look back to the Signature; Helena and those Wicked Fingers. I have actually done a Witchy Finger before, ladies’ fingers with an almond nail, and the syrup from fake blood sweets that you see in Tuthills.

Besides that personal context, I am also so glad she turned it around, I really did feel from our first meeting last week that she had a lot more baking skill than we were seeing.

Meanwhile, next week is Bread Week, and all I can wonder is: will the Hollywood break one out?

Pic: Channel 4

Football Association of Ireland’s Annual Report 2017/18; John Delaney; Vanessa Foran

Ridiculous.

That was my first impression of the FAI Annual Report (year ending 2017).

It’s a healthy 137 pages, and shares news and updates from all their activities, from U-15 Internationals, to Child Welfare to the Defence Forces. It’s glossy, shiny, and loud, like the Green Army on tour, only on paper.

While it might be nice to flick through, most of that update stuff can be easily shared via the internet.

The Financial Statements you’ve all heard about start with the Financial Overview on page 93. and are  completed by page 120, so there isn’t too much distraction from the fixtures and action shots. On a side note, I have never seen such small print in an annual report – I had to go to 130%.

The top line: Turnover – what is interesting is that they had a trading surplus of €2,758,063.00. This is very nice, given the size and obvious limitations of their market; and even nicer is that it sits on top of a previous year surplus of €2,344,291.00.

Both figures accumulating into reserves of €22,323,111.00 (page 104), which definitely drives the questions – why is the League of Ireland prize pot so small and why were they so miserable stumping up for our women’s sides?

A big red flag for me is their Short-Term Creditors – less than 12 months – which is basic day-to-day working capital. Cash, and the cost of it. Year end 2017 introduces a current account Bank Overdraft – €1,363,107.00.

This is a movement from a cash on hand balance at year end 2016 of €937,447.00 to a cash crunch position, and that swing is not explained sufficiently in the promised note 11; cash and cash equivalents.

This €2.3-ish million run happened over a very short period and demonstrates some really poor financial control; and this information was only extracted from the notes, not from the balance sheet.

So, it might be worth looking into the minutes of meetings during the period to see if there were any comments on the month-on-month management accounts to board. That’s where these loans to and from the FAI might be found.

Also interesting is the role, or more accurately, roles, of Deloitte.

Their fees are up from €102,772.00 to €134,554.00; this might not sound like a lot of money but it’s a 24 per cent increase and contains €26,180 for other assurance services – which is worth exploring because also in the €134,554.00 is €44,285 for fees other than audit.

So what other services do we think Deloitte are providing (and if it’s any help, it’s not tax and it’s not internal audit.)

Another thing that doesn’t seem healthy or efficient is that there seems to be loads and loads of personnel rowing in an out of the FAI at strategic level. There is a board of management of 11, which includes John Delaney, and a national council of 58, along with circa 180 staff members around the country.

But, for the life of me, I can’t find the list of directors of the company.

There is a Hon. Treasurer Eddie Murray; and an audit committee; maybe someone credentialed might be in a position to ask for the minutes of this audit committee too, because they would be the principle liaison with Deloitte.

Worth a mention, the old reliable here, is that John Delaney’s salary is the only one itemised; and that doesn’t make sense to me; in Related Party Transactions? If he’s a director, it is in Directors Emoluments €360,000 (and that’s what’s there.)

So did the FAI loan or borrow €360,000 from a Related Party?

Officers Emoluments are recorded as €70,000; naturally these wouldn’t be day-to-day expenses claimed from  staff attending meetings and events as these would naturally be charged to overheads. Again, these are items within the monthly reports to board, which is where most of the intrigue could be unravelled.

I would love to explore the relationship Deloitte have with the FAI and an FAI “Donor” a bit more, o if anyone is available for some digging and drilling, please do reach out.

Also, if someone can explain the software licencing to me – as in what software licensing they have acquired – as it seems very extravagant to me.

Additionally, it’s worth noting that of the total income for the year that was 2017; 12.5% of it came from grants. So sometimes it’s worth noting that for the large part of the year, they were doing something right.

Vanessa Foran is a principal at Recovery Partners.

Previously: For The Last Time, It Was A BRIDGING Loan

Rollingnews

UPDATE:

 

From top: Minister For Finance Paschal Donohoe; Vanessa Foran

 Derek Mooney was right, I know that doesn’t get said about here a lot, but he was right to question the need for the Red Carpet Event around the Annual Budget

But then I suppose RTÉ would be bereft of 50 hours or so of programming across their various platforms and deprived of scooped soundbites direct from Government Ministers.

This Budget was undramatic, unexciting and just too well flagged that it became irritatingly boring; like compulsory Ethics hours for those of us that have to oblige annual CPD requirements.

Similar to last year , I have handpicked some elements to highlight here, but it was impossible stay ignorant on the squeals that it was a budget for Landlords.

Anyone that has followed my view on the rented sector will have heard me insist that we need more Rental Units, and more again, but more specifically we need more rental units from Private Landlords and less from Reit type lettings.

We have an accommodation emergency; the time for calling it a crisis or a shortage has long since passed. Up to now, private sole-trader type landlords were departing the sector like flocks heading South.

Therefore, I’m of the opinion that relieving their tax burden is a good thing, and hopefully it might encourage more Buy-To-Let investors into the sector.

By the same measure, this move might also serve to reassure those in there already, the lads that do not have the benefit of being incorporated and en’Trusted, or party to cheap sale prices and charitable tax rates.

More Units mean more HAP availability, so there’s that too, despite my reservations on that whole scheme, if it keeps families out of hotels then let’s not fix it just yet.

Since I mentioned Reit, it is worth mentioning now that the Exit Tax Regime was addressed with new Foreign Controlled Corporation Rules.

Many easy shots and sneers at this will mention it was reduced from 33% to 12.5%, but what might be missed was that the drop came with a nice sidebar; the exemptions to the Exit tax (which is also due on the transfer of assets and not just when they cease to be tax residents) have been removed; in full.

And as we all well know exemptions in Tax Law have made many a man a millionaire or more. I’ll take 12.5% on everything, rather than 33% of feck all any day of the week.

While I still think the hotel sector are being bailed out unfairly to the rest of us, I also want to reintroduce something from last year’s comments that is still ticking me off, Employers PRSI.

Many of you will say the increase is only by one tenth of a % – a so-what-of-it perhaps; but anything that shoehorns employees into Sub-Contracting arrangements, while keeping the PRSI frameworks as they are for the purposes of current cashflow, is not good long-term strategy, nor is it good value-for-money for the taxpayers that fill those Social Insurance reservoirs.

Budget ’19 did offer something for those who may be qualify for distributions from the Bank of Mum and Dad; they got themselves a ten grand top up to their (Group A) Gift Tax exemption.

This Government had a summer long of opportunity to address what I think is one of the principle failures of our Housing and Accommodation emergency; Long-term Rental in the family Home Sector not being considered as a viable option, or even as an alternative to Social Housing or Owner Occupied.

It is my opinion this is a sector that should be studied and trailed and tested.

This city is falling over with associations and groups representing tenants and renters; yet I have yet to see any organisation come up with an approach to Affordable Rental Housing that makes it a confident long-term option or choice for anyone.

And since the Government hasn’t, then naturally neither has any one else interested in long-term investments.

I suspect we will have another Budget within the next nine months. Like last year’s, this was not an election budget.

My advocacy for a stronger, wider, healthier, and more competitive private Rental sector will continue, and I will keep shouting until someone in Government cops on that Social Housing needs to be Local and needs to go back to the Local Authorities.

Then we can start to Rebuild this Country on behalf of all of us.

Vanessa Foran is a principal at Recovery Partners. Follow Vanessa on Twitter: @vef_pip.

Rollingnews

Great British Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood congratulates baker Rahul Bajer (right) last night

It was pastry week on The Great British Bake-Off on Channel 4 last night.

Vanessa Foran writes:

I’m going to work backwards this week, and apologies for missing Spice Week.

Dan. Desperately disappointed to see him go, but in all fairness, he had to. We have now tipped over into the business end of Bake Off 2018 and there is nothing but baking talent left in the tent.

Any weakness, flop, or soggy bottom just isn’t tolerated, and there isn’t room left to hide or provide cover.

I’m mainly bothered because of all the bakers though the tent over the years, Dan was one who stuck to simple everyday ingredients, and managed with the skills we all already have, mainly our own two hands.

He did the basics better than anyone, he didn’t need exotic flavours or ambitious designs to get three Handshakes on the trot and a star baker for himself. In one regard, I would have him there as one of the most talented home bakers I’ve seen in the tent tbh,

OK, he’s no Mary-Anne Boermens  or John Whaite I highly regard him because I doubt he has any further interest in being recognised as a pro, and I feel his interest in baking will remain in the same spot as all of ours, our own kitchens.

But I do hope we hear from him again.

Pastry week is a blue ribbon event anyway, more blue plaster week last night, but I must admit that Jon  calling it “the Heavy Metal of all baking” was a spot on as you’re going to get for an Irish Baker, since we don’t have the great big celebration breads you’ll see the Hollywood drooling over and restaurants named after. Although there’s noting stopping us from developing one for ourselves.

We all do quick breads here, like brown sodas and potato farls, the outcome of our famine history. Black 47 the fillum, although they cut it very fine with the timing, did lean heavily into representing its origin.

The Irish have no historical grand plaits, and our holy feast bread was the communion wafer. So, for the Paddies, Pastry is our own specialist Signature.

Well that’s what I think anyway; and its why I will always try different versions of the same pastry. Except Puff. Shop bought all the way. So, Jon’s remark that Puff is Slipknot in terms of Pastry hardcore made absolute sense.

I really enjoyed the Signature last night, maybe because I was not alone in having never attempted them before, ate plenty ov’em mind, although I’ve never had a sweet one, unless the MaccieDs Apple Pie counts.

It was one of those Signatures that would encourage anyone I think. The pastry is quick, and every Irish house has at the very least a chip pan.

There is a great tip for anyone like me, who has the full spice and seed collection of pots, bags, tins and tubs, here in Rahul’s savoury; and the great thing about this recipe that you can change out the filling but keep the tip, the pastry and the raita recipe for the drawer. And I would be really tempted with his sweet if only to test if Prue’s reaction was required.

Nothing to say about the Technical, but I just wouldn’t myself. If ye have too much time on yere hands then let us know how you got on with it  .

Now here is where I found some more common ground with Dan, at the showstopper. Because I do that exact bake, salmon coulibac. It’s Russian, it’s easy and its great hot or cold. And if anyone has communions, dos, what-have-yas look into it.

I must also mention Ruby’s pie , You might remember Kate’s Curry Pie.Both definitely worth a try as everything is doable for any standard of cook.

Delighted for Briony  getting Star Baker, and even more so because there was no doubt attached to the decision; she’s worked hard and grafted challenge after challenge and deserves to be there. Not that that means anything at this stage, but she didn’t put a foot wrong last night, even with the dress. Pastry was the makings of her.

Just a word on appearance; I think Kim-Joy should do Noel’s make up next week, ‘cause its obvious Prue did it last night.

Vegan next week. Yeah I know. But lets wait and see….

Pic: Channel4