Moustache wearers, from left: Tom Selleck, Henry Cavill and Jamie Foxx
It’s happening, as I long feared
Now men turn their backs on the beard
But a hairy top lip
When the rest gets a clip
Will always strike me as plain weird.
John Moynes
Illustration via British GQ
A researcher claims the increase in Flat Earth believers could be traced back to YouTube.
It’s immediately obvious that
The planet we live on is flat
But a study has found
Those who say that it’s round
It’s clear these folk talk through their hat
John Moynes
Friday: A Poem For Moynes
John Moynes
At some point in the last month, John Moynes passed the milestone of 1,500 Limericks A Day.
One thousand five hundred Limericks.
Written and posted on the same number of days.
Many will recall the callow, clean-shaven poet who, in 2011, began spreading the news through anapestic meter.
Few knew he would emerge – by sheer dint of number of ‘ricks posted – as the most published poet on the planet.
A revered, wise elder daily bearding the likes of Trump armed with little more than five-lines in a world where nothing rhymes with orange.
We are working on some artwork to celebrate John’s achievement, but will need a little verse.
If you would like to share your appreciation to the Bard of Broadsheet you are very welcome to help complete the Limerick below:
‘A prolific poet called Moynes,
Picked up his pen and girded his loins,
___________________________________,
____________________________________,
_________________________________’
Verse must cease at 5.45pm.
Thanks all.
Earlier: A Limerick A Day
US President Donald Trump is to invoke national emergency powers to secure funding for his planned border wall with Mexico
If Congress won’t act when you call
To piss away cash on a wall
Declare an emergency
And hope in the urgency
Your base won’t notice you fall
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
When you’re halfway through February say
“Happy St Valentine’s Day”
Then pay through the nose
For a tatty old rose
As you try to get your end away
John Moynes
Restaurateur Philippe Weiner (above) says EU must have been referring to his place when warning diplomats to avoid a Brussels restaurant
If you’re in Brussels late and you feel
Like finishing work with a meal
The prices are high
And the waiter’s a spy
And all that you say he’ll reveal
John Moynes
Pic via The Guardian
In Yorkshire there was once was a nun
Who decided to go on the run
So brave Sister Joan
Struck out on her own
To live free, have sex and have fun
John Moynes
Getty
Former UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has called for a multi-billion-pound cut in the UK’s overseas aid budget
The Tories are casting some shade
At foreign development aid
For when Brexit kicks in
Their reserves will be thin
They’ll have less cash than if they had stayed
John Moynes
Pic: RAF/flickr
You may have heard that you’ll be fine
If you drink your beer first then your wine
But one too many cup
And you’ll be throwing up
Is what I hear through the grapevine
John Moynes
Pic: Shutterstock
Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, 40, discovers he has the metabolism of a 53-year-old during ‘Operation Transformation’ last night on RTÉ 1
One thing that I don’t like to see
Is a Taoiseach whose younger than me
But now I’m quite glad
Leo’s health is so bad
The computer says he’s fifty three.
John Moynes
