A male sewer rat (above) described as having too much Winterspeck – literally ‘Winter bacon’ – attempts to crawl out of a manhole cover in the German town of Bensheim
Some firefighters slid down their pole
To go free a rat from a hole
It was shocked to learn that
It had gained so much fat
And agreed to learn more self control
John Moynes
Pic: Hessenschau
Outside St Michan’s Church, Dublin yesterday after thieves vandalised its crypt and removed the head of an 800 year old mummy known as ‘The Crusader’
On Sunday some dickheads climbed down
To a crypt in the heart of our town
And then for a lark
What they did in the dark
Would make anyone civilised frown
John Moynes
European Union Council President Donald Tusk (right) with British Prime Minister Theresa May during a summit of EU and Arab leaders in Egypt yesterday
It seems that Prime Minister May
Has figured out a cunning way
To keep her plan alive
She’ll merely contrive
To call for another delay.
John Moynes
Pic: AP
It’s grim news as Cork boffins say
The robots are coming to stay
There’ll be no cause for cheer
When they come over here
As they’ll quickly take your job away
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
The Metrolink south section is to be abandoned following opposition to proposals to close a road linking Ranelagh and Rathmines in Dublin 6.
A road closure near the Green Line
Caused locals to get up and whine
And kick up a stink
About the MetroLink
And Minister Ross was supine
John Moynes
Bernie Sanders will again seek the Democrat nomination for US President
Though some will dismiss it as spin
Sanders has said he will win
And capture first place
In the Democrat race
Though I think his chances are thin
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
Moustache wearers, from left: Tom Selleck, Henry Cavill and Jamie Foxx
It’s happening, as I long feared
Now men turn their backs on the beard
But a hairy top lip
When the rest gets a clip
Will always strike me as plain weird.
John Moynes
Illustration via British GQ
A researcher claims the increase in Flat Earth believers could be traced back to YouTube.
It’s immediately obvious that
The planet we live on is flat
But a study has found
Those who say that it’s round
It’s clear these folk talk through their hat
John Moynes
Friday: A Poem For Moynes
John Moynes
At some point in the last month, John Moynes passed the milestone of 1,500 Limericks A Day.
One thousand five hundred Limericks.
Written and posted on the same number of days.
Many will recall the callow, clean-shaven poet who, in 2011, began spreading the news through anapestic meter.
Few knew he would emerge – by sheer dint of number of ‘ricks posted – as the most published poet on the planet.
A revered, wise elder daily bearding the likes of Trump armed with little more than five-lines in a world where nothing rhymes with orange.
We are working on some artwork to celebrate John’s achievement, but will need a little verse.
If you would like to share your appreciation to the Bard of Broadsheet you are very welcome to help complete the Limerick below:
‘A prolific poet called Moynes,
Picked up his pen and girded his loins,
___________________________________,
____________________________________,
_________________________________’
Verse must cease at 5.45pm.
Thanks all.
Earlier: A Limerick A Day
US President Donald Trump is to invoke national emergency powers to secure funding for his planned border wall with Mexico
If Congress won’t act when you call
To piss away cash on a wall
Declare an emergency
And hope in the urgency
Your base won’t notice you fall
John Moynes
Pic: Getty
