All I Want
after M. Carey & V. Salt

All I want for Christmas is a bio
of Bertolt Brecht, and to see
a neo-classical economist
lowered into the nearest available
septic tank.

All I want for Hanukkah is Engels’
Condition of the Working Class in England,
and legislation to allow the landlord
be restrained with bailing twine
in his own garden shed
‘til he agrees to reduce the rent.

All I want for Eid is a performance
of The Three Penny Opera in our living room,
and a world in which every child is given,
free of charge, a hot water bottle fashioned
from a former Minister for Housing’s bladder.

All I want for Diwali is Hugh MacDiarmid’s skull
so I can share a whiskey with it of an evening, and Sophie
Scholl’s, or failing that, Arthur Scargill’s backbone
so I can use it to publicly disembowel those
who come out on Facetwit for repealing
the Eighth Amendment the day after
we vote to repeal the Eighth Amendment.

All I want for the Tool Box Killer’s birthday
is to personally fix a scold’s bridle between
the Editor of the Daily Mail’s clacking jaws
(and up any other part of him in danger of talking)
and to live to see the Crime Correspondent
of the Sunday World finally sent
to landfill for journalistically pleasuring
one Chief Superintendant too many.

Kevin Higgins

Rollingnews

British prime Minister Theresa May and European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker this morning

This morning.

Brussels, Belgium.

Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker said he believes the breakthrough needed has been made, and is sure the EU27 will open Phase 2 of Brexit talks.

Speaking at a joint press conference with British Prime Minister Theresa May in Brussels, Mr Juncker said the Uk has made significant commitments on avoiding a hard border between Ireland and the UK.

But he warned there is still a lot of work to be done.

The Commission president said: “I will always be sad about this development, but now we must start looking to the future, a future in which the UK will remain a close friend and ally.”

Mrs May said the deal agreed today is a significant improvement from Monday and the joint report is in the best interests of the whole of the UK.

She said that “we guarantee there will be no hard border in Ireland” and “we will uphold the Belfast Agreement”.

May and Juncker agree to Brexit deal (RTÉ)

Meanwhile…

More as we get it.

Update:

From left: Helen McEntee, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and Simon Coveney

Government Buildings.

“Today is a very significant day for Ireland and the EU. After long & intensive negotiations we have reached a satisfactory conclusion on the Irish issues including the border…

…We have achieved all we set out to achieve in Phase 1. This is not the end but it is the end of the beginning. The Good Friday Agreement is fully protected & the Common Travel Area will continue. The UK is committed to avoiding a hard border.”

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, this morning.


UPDATE:

Hmm.

Broadsheet on the Telly Xmas special airs tonight at 10pm streaming LIVE above and on our YouTube channel.

Pull a cracker with our panel as they unwrap the news of the week and discuss ALL matters festive.

The show will be produced by improv-isario Neil Curran.

Expect special guests, adult toys, warmth, cheer and some ‘choice’ language.

Yule be most welcome.

Previously: Broadsheet on the Telly

Broadsheet.ie